Yes, I am depressed. Not because of a sudden attack of my bipolarity but i really am depressed now. Why do i have to suffer from this kind of loathing? Like seriously, haven’t i done enough? It’s like everyone’s making me pay for everything i’ve done wrong. Why do i feel this certain desolation? It’s like i got everybody’s attention but not their concern. Am i really the problem now? I don’t know if i just can’t seem to be satiated with the things i’m getting or there is really no care being provided for me.
I’m feeling this loneliness for quite some time already and it’s getting worse; it’s eating me.
Here i am again, lying down with my sentimental thoughts perplexing my mind. Things lately had been so…….yellow. I don’t know why it has to turn out like this. Is it really me this time? Am I really that trying hard to get out from being the underdog that it has caused me this? Have i stepped on the line already?
I can’t imagine how time fleets so fast and in just a span of less than four months, i’m going to be facing my second year as a Thomasian already.
"it just gotta take a lil bit of courage to prevent the big D"
Spending my very first year in UST made my nostalgic perturbation gone. Not just because of the “new school, new beginning” feels but i felt so welcomed, so welcomed that from the moment I entered the school, i’ve already felt the unity and it automatically filled my heart with the family i’ve been longing to have.
This school year really did change me even though i know how cliché this statement sounds to most people. i have seen how barbaric at the same time, terrific the real world is. Not just by the university itself but how my fellow Thomasians work for themselves to avoid singkos, how they kill themselves every night just to finish em readings/due plates, how they ride a jeep while studying like it’s their study comfort zones, how they think of the most creative ways possible just to walk on the flood and reach home as soon as possible, how they 9gag inside the library while everyone else is studying, how they sleep in the library, and how they stand under the luminous sunlight while the angelus is going on. Swimming in the the sea of Thomasians is definitely an immense preparation for the upcoming fututre ahead of us and i’m beyond blessed to be part of it. "Dozen readings, dozen unos. Dozen sleep? Dozen singkos."
Cheers to the whole Thomasian community and to the last week of this academic school year! hihi
I don’t know why i’m suffering from too much anxiety lately. It’s not because of stress at school..You see, i de-stress myself by going for a run every night. But it’s this certain trouble that keeps me puzzled, lonely,annoyed then later on, enraged. Not with someone in particular but the whole society.
I have no idea why everything’s being like this. Am i just not contented with the baggages i’m carrying with me?
I don’t know what i’ve been feeling lately. Is it maybe because i’m just too exhausted from school and issues i’ve been dealing with recently? Is this the effect of being always the listener, giver, risk-taker? Have i had enough? Am i tired being the one pushed around? Am i tired being quiet about things? I feel like an underdog. I feel like an outcast.
It’s always like this. I keep it to myself. I keep……………………..